Chelsea Sunday Kline

I’ve been willfully continuing to keep the “I’ll do it in the morning” lie alive and well. I am fully aware the packing kid lunches for school the night before makes complete, beautiful, and perfect sense. But the lie is so much easier in the midst of the scattered chaos that I pitifully attempt to wrangle into a logical life every day! Yet, I always, always, always hate myself the next day for falling for it yet again. So, while my three-year-old Badger is smearing milk around on the table with the palm of his hand and giggling, and I’m trying to gently and patiently rake the brush through my hippy-boy’s flowing hippy boy tresses and carpool is already waiting out front and I’m only wearing a bra and sweatpants… this is how my kids end up with things like a whole slightly wilty cucumber, a dishwasher pod, and a handful of uncooked pasta in their lunches. Bon appetite, darlings! Any attempt at taking care of myself is put off with the same lie; ‘I’ll do it in t

I’m standing in my kitchen at dinnertime, staring at the door of the fridge. One kid is asking for a second taco and the little kid hates everything I made. The little one, whom we call the Badger, wants cereal, but before I can even answer he’s changed his mind for granola, while also reiterating how much he despises what I cooked. I’m focused on my fridge door in a mini mental timeout before I trudge ahead with trying to convince a kid to actually just eat. Maybe I’ll magically think of new tactic to try with him before the dreaded Mother’s Day brunch rears its ugly pastel head again this year, when I get to endure these antics in public while wearing pumps and a frilly dress. I. just. can’t. wait. Why is it that so much of Mother’s Day isn’t based on what mothers actually want or need? I want equal pay. Oh wait, actually I need equal pay. I need access to safe, legal, and affordable (better yet free) abortion and contraceptives on demand and withou

Why did it seem like a good idea to take a toddler sledding? Why did I eat 46 slices of challah French toast right before we left? Why does a toddler weigh approximately 298 lbs when they have on snow pants, boots, mittens, and a hat and insist on being pulled in a sled across a field? Remind me again why exercise is good for me. Why am I sweating so profusely?! AM I DYING!? Why does the toddler keep asking me ‘why’ and shouting observations when I obviously can’t hear him over the sound of snow crunching under the sled? Why does he have so many things to say?! A sampling of my answers: ·       Daddy is at home. ·       Because he was smart and didn’t want to take a toddler sledding. ·       Yes, we have snacks in the car. ·       Because mommy is bossass and actually remembered to bring snacks. ·       Yes, you still have wear a hat. ·       Because its Winter. ·       Because there are snowflakes everywhere ·       Because the world is mag