Why did it seem like a good idea to take a toddler sledding?
Why did I eat 46 slices of challah French toast right before we left?
Why does a toddler weigh approximately 298 lbs when they have on snow pants, boots, mittens, and a hat and insist on being pulled in a sled across a field?
Remind me again why exercise is good for me.
Why am I sweating so profusely?!
AM I DYING!?
Why does the toddler keep asking me ‘why’ and shouting observations when I obviously can’t hear him over the sound of snow crunching under the sled?
Why does he have so many things to say?!
A sampling of my answers:
· Daddy is at home.
· Because he was smart and didn’t want to take a toddler sledding.
· Yes, we have snacks in the car.
· Because mommy is bossass and actually remembered to bring snacks.
· Yes, you still have wear a hat.
· Because its Winter.
· Because there are snowflakes everywhere
· Because the world is magic.
· Because I don’t know.
· Because I am slowly losing my mind.
Why does every other parent here look like they are having fun?
Are they faking it like I am?
Would it be weird if I asked them?
Why am I standing at the top of an icy hill puffing like I have emphazema?!
How do you even spell emphysema?
Why did my toddler just run down the hill after insisting being pulled up in the sled?
How long can I stand here and catch my breath while my toddler runs farther away from me without looking like a negligent mom?
Why don’t I feel guiltier about secretly kinda thinking it would be funny if the teenager on the ‘Shredder Sledder Xtreme’ knocked my toddler down as he runs farther away from me.
Am I a bad mom?
Don’t answer that.
Why didn’t I hire a babysitter for New Year’s Eve?
Am I the only one that hates all these winter holidays that are supposed to be great but they really suck?
Why am I arguing with my toddler about why he can’t sled down the hill with a large stick in his hands?
How can I possibly convince the toddler that the stick won’t have hurt feelings if we don’t take it in the sled with us?
Why am I still standing on top of an icy hill arguing with a two-year-old about a goddamn stick?!
Can the other parents hear my kid shrieking?
Does it matter?
Why did he announce that he is done sledding after just one run down the hill, but then change his mind only after we walked all the way back to car?
Does this miserable outing count as the fun and enriching activity for the day?
Why is my toddler running away from me again?
Are the other parents taking note that I am being adorably playful and making a dinosaur game in the snowy field?
Should I post a picture on Facebook of us playing in the snow so I look like a mom who has her shit together?
Is there any way to possibly know the terrorhorrorwondersweetness of being financially, legally, emotionally, and forevereally responsible for other little human lives before you sign up to be a parental guardian unit of some kind?
Other parents freak out about the crushing reality of being ill-suited for adulthood and parenthood, right?!
Why are Cheez-its so damn delicious?
Don’t answer that.
Why didn’t I put the sled inside the car before I chased the toddler? (oh, wait- because I was chasing a toddler).
Why was I surprised that someone stole our sled from in front of our car?
Why did I actually amazingly have the good sense to not shout at the guy a few cars down who had a sled that looked exactly like the one we were suddenly missing before looking carefully to see that it was, in fact, not our sled?
WHY WOULD SOMEONE STEAL A SLED?!
Am I soothing the toddler or myself with the promise of cuddling and reading some good books when we get home?
No but wait, why would someone steal our sled?